Mourning Dove and Marking One Year

IMG_0535Exactly one year ago, when I left Mom at the hospital I pulled into the driveway and saw this mourning dove sitting at the edge of the birdbath. She kept staring at me for long minutes as I sat. I imagined that it was a message from Mom. Funny how those irrational thoughts run through your brain in seemingly random moments. It sat looking at me, then flew off and I thought of Mom’s soul flying up to heaven. Not long afterwards, I got a call from the hospital that she had passed. IMG_0464Is it a flight of fancy that makes the heart seek comfort in these little signs of living things? Man finds patterns of significance in the world around him, isn’t that what gives life meaning? I’m facing today with some apprehension. I have been hearing the mourning doves cooing for about a week now, it’s their time of year again. I lit what is left of my seven day candles this morning – only dad’s has any wick remaining, but that will do. I pressed Mom and Debbie’s candle up next to Dad’s for warmth. Silly gesture, perhaps, but it made sense. I burned incense. Three kinds all at once. My kids hate this, but again, it seems right. If my legs will take me there, I’ll stop by the cemetery later. Or not. I placed these flowers there last weekend. photoI will be reflecting on the Chinese poem my cousin read at Mom’s service. It goes like this:

Whether you meet me, or not

I am right there, without sorrow, or joy.

Whether you miss me, or not, affection is right there, without coming or going.

Whether you love me, or not, love is right there, without increasing or decreasing.

Whether you connect with me, or not, my hand is right in yours, without parting or abandoning.

Come into my arms and my heart,

or

Let me stay in your mind

in silence

In love

In quietness

In happiness.

And the song that Dad chose for Mom’s service :

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About reneetamara

Writing about death, mental illness, spirituality, art and perfume. Because beauty feeds the soul, and love is beyond what we think.

13 responses to “Mourning Dove and Marking One Year”

  1. bitesizelove says :

    the poem is lovely. and i’m in total sync with you on the signs we find to create meaning. peace to you as you navigate through this anniversary today.

    • reneetamara says :

      Thank you, I know that you have had to surf the anniversary experience yourself. I ended up strolling about the cemetery for a while, it was just what I needed. Then I went and got myself a new red lipstick. Which was also just what I needed. 🙂 Mom would approve!

  2. hajusuuri says :

    Renee, this is a very touching post as well as a nice tribute to your mom.

  3. Ellen Hori says :

    What a beautiful reflection, Renee. I am always seeing meaning in birds and animals around me, although I find myself wondering if it’s all just my imagination. When I search my heart, however, it reminds me that we are all intimately connected, this beautiful planet, the creatures and us.

  4. marga t. says :

    Thank you for the sharing on so many levels, the lose, the love, the beauty, and the mirroring patterns in your world through doves, poetry, music – so happy for the small and comforting joys you welcome to yourself!

  5. Rose Chimera says :

    *sigh*….the very thought of you….what a absolutely perfect line…..thanks for sharing. “the very thought of you is so thought provoking for me. Indeed…the very thought…

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